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Merkel Announces 4th Reich

German Chancellor Angela Merkel announced today that in light of the massive influx of Muslim immigrants, expected to eclipse one million by the end of 2015, and the political ramifications of that, the German Government is proclaiming the reorganization of the Fourth Reich to deal with the situation.

“Naziism was very successful in digging Germany out of a very deep hole the last time, between the World Wars,” said Merkel, “and we hope that it can do the same again.”

Merkel made a special request of the United States, that they restrain Will Ferrell and not allow him to do a remake of The Great Dictator. “I really do not want to see Amy Schumer playing me in a poorly scripted political parody,” said Merkel.

Germany is set to exceed one million new asylum-seekers by end of this year, 2015, four times as many as the previous year, 2014. 964,574 were registered by end of November of this year. 206,101 Syrian migrants arrived in Germany in November alone. German Chancellor Angela Merkel projected in August that the total for the year would be around 800,000. Some on the German government have feared that number could reach as high as 1.5 million. Germany has taken in more asylum-seekers than any other European nation.

Chancellor Angela Merkel’s policy of welcoming Syrian refugees has been supported and even applauded by many, but has brought intense criticism from others, in particular from some senior ministers who have publicly questioned the approach, an enormous strain on German infrastructure.

Merkel closed the press conference to questions, turned to leave, but then stopped, turned back to the podium and said, “Oh, yeah, and by the way, “Deutchland Uber Alles” and gave a little open-handed wave to the crowd of reporters.

Woodline has also learned that Marine Le Pen has reached out to Merkel’s office, requesting guidance on the correct pronunciation of “Sieg Heil.”

"Hit the Woodline" is a Force12 Media, LLC satire publication. All articles on this website are satirical in nature, meant for entertainment purposes.
  • disqus_mrspaul

    It did come from good authorities, however, that if a film is made, Merkel requests Julie Andrews to sing the theme song.

    • Mother Forker

      Now thats a good idea.

  • Jim

    Finally, a cause I can get behind…….if I look at my family tree (or in a mirror) I see many folks named Karl, Heinrich, and Diedrich…..

  • Takeshi Hiraishi

    Merkel’s father Horst Kasner during his high school years he was a member of the Hitler Youth, with the last service position of a troop leader. Merkel was squatter and she lived with his neonazi friends (When
    Merkel hung out with Nazi friends (photos): http://en.protothema.gr/when-merkel-hung-out-with-nazi-fascists-photos/).

    Another interesting information is that Germany is still paying pensions to Spain’s Nazi volunteers during Second World War (Germany still paying pensions to Spain’s Nazi volunteers during Second World War: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/spain/11977881/Germany-still-paying-pensions-to-Spains-Nazi-volunteers-during-Second-World-War.html) and this is why Merkel helped to the electoral campaign of the spanish fascist and corrupt politic party “Partido Popular” which was created by the members of the spanish dictatorship which never allowed an investigation about the “uknown” number of crimes of the spanish war (Activists demand apology for Germany’s role in the Spanish Civil War – http://www.dw.com/en/activists-demand-apology-for-germanys-role-in-the-spanish-civil-war/a-17874705)

    We must stop the fourth Reich before its too late! Most people believe that Merkel is against nazism but people must know that all this information is completely true (not an opinion).

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