Hillary Clinton E-mails released – SHOW CLEAR EVIDENCE OF WRONGDOING AND CONSPIRACY
Washington – Sept, 2015: State Dept. Investigators have released 7000-plus new Clinton e-mails and announced they have still found no violations of security protocols. Of the 7000, there are 120-plus e-mails that have been retroactively classified but were not classified when they were sent. No Security Violations of any kind have been uncovered. It is however worth noting that only 30% of the Clinton e-mails have been screened thus far.
Don’t throw away those pitch forks and torches, we may find a use for them yet. A source within the FBI has revealed a much more disturbing pattern of conspiracy and misconduct.
Uncovered in the content of some of the Clinton e-mails is a conspiracy to steal the election, overthrow the GOP and housetrain Ted Cruz. Approx. 396 emails on the Clinton Server originate or end with the same individual using the Pseudonym “Corn Man the Magnificent”; an individual The Secretary fondly refers to as “Boo Bear” and occasionally “My passionate punisher”.
The intimate nature of the e-mail content and the anatomically limited photographs attached to most messages lead Investigators to believe Pres. Clinton was not involved in any way . Close ups of each image were inspected by none other than the well-known Clinton body part identification expert, Monika Lewinsky. She determined the photographs to NOT be the President.
After thorough investigation investigators were shocked to discover “Boo Bear” to be none other than Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump.
It is obviously old news that Hillary Clinton called on Donald Trump to clean up the famous “SNUKE” incident of 2007, but who would have thought such an innocuous save would lead to conspiracy at this level. Jeb Bush was heard whining “Daddy why didn’t you think of that… you said I could be president this time” This series of e-mails clearly documents a long personal relationship between the two including one message from Mr. Trump suggesting he might purchase the successful New York mail order firm Adam & Eve, then rename it “Boo Bear and Humpy’s ” in their Honor.
Sources confirm that Hillary’s server has been a regular recipient of Donald Trump’s attention although the majority of the communication revolved around their apparent mutual enjoyment of goat meat and contained various recipes for “kids”.
Roasted kids, baked kids, fried kids, kid-Knee Pie; kids in cranberry sauce – clearly Mr. Trumps prefers his Kids aged a little, while Secretary Clinton prefers younger specimens; stating anything over 6 months old is tough and stringy.
Unconfirmed leaks from the House Committee on Un-Republican activities confirm that Mr. Trump offered to guarantee Clinton’s reelection in return for an appointment to the Supreme Court and permission to keep Ted Cruz as Court Jester (provided he can be housetrained), in addition Justice Thomas would be required to wear a teddy to chambers and treat Mr. Trump like he was Anita Hill.
Immediately after release of the E-mails, Secretary Clinton gained 39 points in a CNN/Fox poll of likely voters, and 3 offers to do “film work” if she is not elected.