Dino Poop Disguises
January 4, 2016
ISIS and Taliban to Co-sponsor 1st Annual Boy and Goat Beauty Pageant
January 9, 2016

Trump: Cruz is Cross-Dressing Nazi Love Child

Donald Trump recently said at a rally in Iowa that he hears “A couple of states have a problem with Cruz’s Canadian birth. … ‘I hope this would not be a reason for his disqualification.’” Cruz discharged those charges by saying that the children of legal citizens born in foreign countries are themselves legal citizens.

Trump, apparently not wanting to let the issue die, this morning, at a Trump rally, held up a Photo of Cruz as an infant being held by what appears to be Adolph Hitler. Said Trump, “I’ve been hearing that Ted Cruz is the illegitimate love child of Hitler. Is it true? I don’t know. I guess it’s possible.”

Several Conservative pundits rushed to claim that the illegitimacy claim is invalid, that theories have existed for years that Hitler and Eva Braun were married toward the end in a secret ceremony in the Berlin Bunker.

Trump and Cruz are currently the top two Republican presidential candidates, according to polls. That makes both men top targets for political attack, apparently for each other.

Trump then held up another photo, of Cruz in an evening gown and makeup. He then help up another photo of Cruz holding a rifle backwards, muzzle to his shoulder, a confused look on his face.

Said Trump, “I let the photos speak for themselves.”

He then held up another photo, of Cruz hugging a polar bear cub, and another of him at a midnight showing of the movie, Barbarella.

Said Trump, “Hey, am I saying that Ted Cruz is a Nazi bastard, transvestite, non-shooting, Jane Fonda-loving environmentalist? No. I’m just saying, look at these photos and, you know, consider that, you know, it’s possible.”

Political analysts await the Cruz campaign to produce their own photographic salvo.

A spokesman for the Rubio campaign said, on condition of anonymity, “We’d fucking love some of those ridiculous attacks to come our way.”

"Hit the Woodline" is a Force12 Media, LLC satire publication. All articles on this website are satirical in nature, meant for entertainment purposes.
  • herschel wince

    Sir, this is to salute your fallen brother and fellow Green Beret, SSgt Mathew McClintock. SSgt McClintock leaves behind his wife and his 3 month old son….needless to say but worth saying anyway, this man stood in where the vast majority would not…not conscripted but a volunteer….SSgt McClintock, a real American man. warrior and hero…Thank you SSgt

    • Jeff Forker

      RIP, brother Mac.

    • Jim

      Well said Herschel….

  • TexJ3

    The Cruz campaign looked long and hard, only coming up with photos of Einstein and the following…

    • herschel wince

      hoo wee, h’aint dat onea dem new mooslim hair goat boys der, gettin’ fondled an’ crap on abdul’s dinger er, lap?

The Force12 Media Network