Elves Being Radicalized in Christmastown
December 17, 2015
Jerry Springer New RNC Chair
December 21, 2015

Senator Graham Drops Out of Race

South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham announced this morning on a conference call with supporters that he is suspending his presidential run. Hit The Woodline  political analysts see this as an end to the tradition of effeminate, Southern power brokers, which dates back centuries.

Said Graham, “The game of conservative politics has changed too much for me to remain in the ring. Gone are the days of the southern gentleman. No one cares anymore about manners or social graces. Indeed, manners seem to be seen now days as a sign of weakness.”

Today is also the deadline for South Carolina senators to remove their names from the primary ballot. This date has been closely watched by Woodline political analysts and have speculated that the low-polling Graham would pull out of the race rather than be left unemployed after the Republican National Convention.

Some political analysts also take note that this announcement coincides with another announcement this morning, that the Republican National Committee this morning announced that Jerry Springer is the new RNC chairman.

"Hit the Woodline" is a Force12 Media, LLC satire publication. All articles on this website are satirical in nature, meant for entertainment purposes.
  • herschel wince

    so it true? linny get the ‘force drop out’ from the dem prez stuff cuz the kankel pantsuit lady caught linny sniffin’ roun’ humid, the wiener dog girl?… hooowee an’ woof, woof….

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