Senator Graham Drops Out of Race
December 21, 2015
Syrian Refugees Overwhelm Christmastown
December 22, 2015

Jerry Springer New RNC Chair

Jerry Springer has been announced to be the new chairman of the Republican National Committee. Hit The Woodline political analysts have for months been tracking rumors that Springer has been tutoring Trump and has been approached by various other GOP campaigns.

The Republican National Committee provides national leadership and policy guidance for the Republican Party. It also coordinates fund raising and election strategies, and plans and runs the Republican National Convention.

Critics of the RNC have been saying for years, but never more forcefully than with the current crop of GOP contenders, that the RNC has fallen out of touch with conservative voters. This move, appointing Springer as the new RNC chairman, is seen as a bold move to correct that problem.

Said Springer, “Finally, some people of power and significance have figured out that my abilities to attract viewers are probably the same to attract voters.”

The Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz campaigns have announced that they are reconsidering last week’s announced death match, between the two candidates, while the new RNC chairman settles into his new position and they get a ruling on champions to represent each combatant-candidate in the match.

“All the limp-wristers are gone,” said Springer. “That’s the first thing I’m going to do. If you can’t play hard ball, and I mean HARD BALL, then the GOP has no use for you,” said Springer.

Said Reince Priebus, out-going RNC Chairman, “I don’t know what the hell happened. I really thought we had a handle on this.”

"Hit the Woodline" is a Force12 Media, LLC satire publication. All articles on this website are satirical in nature, meant for entertainment purposes.
The Force12 Media Network