Dr. Berghdal Awarded Teaching Position at DLI
June 18, 2014
President Apologizes for Independence Day
July 5, 2014

Pentagon Discovers Cure for PTSD

Face your deepest and darkest fears. That’s what we have been told time and again as young, testosterone filled war fighters. Nightmares used to haunt some of us, and it could have been due to the boogieman hiding in the closet. But sooner or later, we jumped out of bed with white knuckles throwing our blankets off our bodies and rushed to the closet to beat the crap out of whatever it was lurking behind our closet doors.

This is how neuro-psychologist Dr. N. Douch’e started his presentation at the most recent DERPA (not to be confused with DARPA) seminar in southern Maryland. Per his theory, he suggested the only way to defeat America’s PTSD epidemic was to have suffering American troops face their deepest fears.

Needless to say, top Pentagon brass were in attendance and listened to Dr. Douch’e with great interest.

They took back his theory and pitched his ideas to the Secretary of Defense’s staff. The Office of the Secretary of Defense loved the idea! Today, a very secret program called Operation PO has been strategized and now is in the execution phase.  It is here where US troops along with their contractual counterparts will be used for enhanced PTSD research.

So what exactly is Operation PO?

Operation PO is a “Pentagon Doesn’t Give a Shit about America’s Warriors” initiative. Through this initiative, troops with debilitating mental illnesses, currently on a series of psychotropic drugs, will be forced back into one of the most hellish lands known to mankind—Iraq.

On the surface, the American people will only know about Operation Piss Off…damn it…I mean, Operation PO… via a new mission directive to help the current Iraqi government, or shall we say Iranian/Russian puppet, defeat the ISIS. Despite the administrations repeated promises of “no boots on the ground”, at a minimum, a select thousand or so troops will deploy to Iraq under the auspices of training, mentoring, and advising Iraqi forces.

Under the cloak and dagger of this train, mentor, and advise mission, troops and their contractual brethren will be monitored to determine whether their symptoms of PTSD maintain, increase, or decrease throughout their deployment.

Dr. Douch’e may be onto something. The Boogieman who once lurked in our closet was surely worse than a few VBIED’s, sniper fire, ambushes, close quarter battle, and the visuals of innocents beheaded on the streets of Baghdad. More to come as our inside sources in DARPA reveal the first in a series of reports related to this new initiative for PTSD treatment.

"Hit the Woodline" is a Force12 Media, LLC satire publication. All articles on this website are satirical in nature, meant for entertainment purposes.
The Force12 Media Network
WilkowMajority.com