Dillon, Texas – Americans love their holidays, and love to celebrate them in style. The most violent holiday of all? The one where we collectively buy enough Chinese explosives to single-handedly take down the Russians, and set them all off in the most irresponsible way possible – sometimes even aiming the flying explosives at each other while running through a busy street. That’s what makes America awesome though. We can celebrate how we see fit, and have a good time. Our liberty to do so was granted to us via generations of sacrifice by our military veterans though. Although Independence Day isn’t strictly a “veteran” holiday, we put this handy guide together to help you spot war hero’s on the 4th!
10. They are wearing an “old guy” hat when they aren’t old yet.
9. They are wearing “dog tags” outside of their shirt for all to see, with rubber silencers on them.
8. They are wearing an “operator” hat, with subdued velcro flag.
7. They are sporting an “operator” beard. It should be noted, all operators wear beards, and all veterans who have a beard were operators. No exceptions.
6. They are wearing “tactical” pants, with tan or green rigger belt. It’s important to note, that the more pockets on the pants, the more heroic the person wearing them was.
5. They have a t-shirt on letting you know that they are a “sheepdog/spartan/crusader/infidel.”
4. They say “hooah/oorah/hooyah” at the end of every sentence. No exceptions. Especially if they also have a fresh “high and tight” haircut.
3. Every time you complain about traffic, they remind you that it was worse “driving down route Irish back in Oh-Five.”
2. They are wearing the “tactical shorts/tactical boots” combo. Especially if they are coordinating tactical brands, like 5.11 Tactical boots and 5.11 Tactical Shorts. Tactical. Because Tactical.
1. And the number one way to know you have a war hero on your hands… is a sign in their front yard letting you know to be courteous with your fireworks!
Now, there is an art to spotting war heroes. Just because someone is a veteran and fits into one or two of the above criteria, doesn’t mean they are a war hero. They might just be a regular veteran. But if you spot someone with five or more of the above? They are a guaranteed, bonafide war hero!