Army to Go Asymmetrical Against Navy
December 12, 2015
Keenan to Play NFL Games on Carriers
December 15, 2015

Women to Play with Men

At the conclusion of the 116th Army and Navy football game, a spokesperson for Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter announced that the military academies will field women on next season’s teams.  “Women are a critical part of our national security as pilots and Rangers. They will soon be SEALs and Para-Rescuemen. They should be represented on the sports fields and courts, alongside the men, as well as on the battlefield.”

Navy has won the last 14 meetings and leads the overall series 60-49-7.

Navy head coach Ken Niumatalolo is 7-0 in the Army-Navy game. He was heard to remark, “We could have put girls in this year and still beat Army.”

Army coach Jeff Monken, 0-2 in the series, told reporters, “It couldn’t make things worse”.

Sports anchor Chip Benson asked Secretary Carter’s aide, Biff Bubleford, “Is the Secretary worried that 125 pound women will be seriously injured playing a contact sport with 300 pound men?”

“Off the record?” replied Bubleford. “We have already killed and injured so many service members in the name of political correctness during an ongoing war, do you really think we give a shit about sports injuries?”

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  • Jim

    Correction-Para rescueperson would be the gender-neutral description.

  • disqus_mrspaul

    So SecNav Ray Maybus got his way, after all!!! Just makes no sense to me!!! I can’t wait to see those 280-300 pound men put on some short skirts, and become CHEERLEADERS!!! Wait, they can wear their panties!!! Ridiculous!!!

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