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The Defiance of Wine and Beer

British pub patrons showing their defiance

The British have been showing their support for the French by flooding into bars and taverns. This has been in response to the French, who have been showing their endurance and defiance by going en masse to Paris bars and cafes. Paris is awash with defiant coffee and wine drinkers.

“We are showing the terrorists that they will not get us down,” said Philippe Poupou at a cafe in the 11th Arrondissement. “They will not deter our way of life. They will not win. Vive La France! Oh, garcon, can I have another wine here? Like now?”

“God bless the frogs, er, I mean the French,” said William Wattingham, at a pub in Watford, “but no one in the world shows their defiance with beer like we British do. Cheers.”

Parisienne phones have been lighting up with #jesuisenterrace. “Je suis en terrace” means “I am on the terrace (at the bar)” in French and is the current phrase of defiance in France. At the same time British phones have been busy with #iamatthepubdonttellmywife.

Residents of Paris claim that they will not allow the terrorists to alter their way of life. Said one man at a cafe in Orly, “We French are born to hang out at our cafes, to drink our wine and coffee, and to smoke our cigarettes, and do it in that irritating way that only we French can do. Yes, we French are liberated in that way. We do what we want. It is the French way.”

Many British claim their way is to show support by staying drunk through the end of the week,possibly longer. “I plan to stay drunk through Sunday,” said James Allenby, and added, “Vive La France!” just before falling to the floor.

The satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo, itself the target of a terrorist attack in January, on Tuesday ran a cover of a bullet-riddled man, spewing Champagne, and the headline read: “They have weapons. Screw them, we have Champagne!”

The British newspaper, The London Telegraph, on Wednesday, not to be outdone, ran a photo of a beer riot in Westminster and a headline that read: “Fuck ‘em! We have beer!”

When asked for comment on the situation in France and Britain, Richard Mickleman, President of Brewery Operations at Annheiser-Bush Companies, said “No comment,” but then turned away and was heard to say to his entourage of sycophants, “Damn it. Why didn’t we think of this?”

We, the editors here at Hit The Woodline, urge all readers to support France and Britain and head immediately to the nearest bar, order a large, frosty beer and bellow at the top of your lungs, “Vive La France” and “Long live the Queen!”

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