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PETA Protests Local Texas Taxidermist

El Paso, TX (April 3rd, 2014) – The animal rights community is infuriated after a local taxidermy business put an advertisement on Craigslist late Wednesday night. Although taxidermy is a common practice, especially in Texas, this particular ad (which can be viewed here) was enough to stir the emotions of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) to the point of action.

The taxidermy business in question is called ‘Ron’s Shed’, which is also the location of the business on Doniphan Road. The owner, Ron, did not respond to our requests via e-mail for more information on the matter. Fortunately, after making our way through the mob of protestors, we were able to ask him how he felt about the protests and if he were concerned about the effects it would have on his business. “Them communists don’t know ‘nothin ‘bout animals. I been doin’ this for years, and I never had an animal that was mad about bein’ stuffed. I mean, they already dead – what do they care?” Ron went on to say, “I don’t much care what these yahoos do to my business, as long as I got some Nattie Light (Natural Light beer) in the cooler and a dead animal to stuff in the shop, I’m happy as my cousin is on dollar stripper night down at Silver Joe’s.”

One of Ron's prized taxidermy pieces. This Leopard is reported to reside in Ted Nugents home. One of Ron’s prized taxidermy pieces. This Leopard is reported to reside in Ted Nugents home.

Here at Hit the Woodline, we like to report both sides of the story. We were able to ask one protester what had upset them so much about the Craigslist ad, “That bastard Ron is a sonofabitch for glorifying the killing of innocent animals. On top of that, my neighbor was mad at me for playing my favorite song, ‘El Loco Pollo’ too early in the morning, so he stole my cat and gave it to Ron. It was sitting on my doorstep this morning… dead… and stuffed. Mittens’ legs were all different lengths, and he had what looked like a raccoon eye for one of his eyes. Ron is a monster!” We certainly can see why some of the protesters are upset, but in this down economy, we completely understand that a man has to make a living some how.

How long will the protests continue? Will Ron give in, and close up shop? As of the time of this article going to print, it seemed as if neither side was willing to give in. The protesters had set up tents across the road from the taxidermy business, and Ron had started throwing beer cans full of urine as well as plastic bottles filled with tobacco spit at the growing encampment, yelling, “God Bless Texas!” Neighbors have called the police on multiple occasions because of the noise and disruption, but as of yet no law enforcement officers have arrived at the scene.

"Hit the Woodline" is a Force12 Media, LLC satire publication. All articles on this website are satirical in nature, meant for entertainment purposes.
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