Hit The Woodline has learned from secret sources that a “fantigue” epidemic has been running rampant amongst the SOFREP writer ranks.
“It’s terrible,” said Clayton Buckley. “Somedays I can barely get out of bed.
The CDC is said to be closely monitoring the situation at SOFREP. Diagnosing fantigue can be very tricky,” said Walter Willybotham, Director of the Fantigue Special Action Team. “But, the result is always the same, and it is not pretty.”
“Fuck, dude, some days I can barely lift a finger to tickle keys,” said Powell Jameson.
“I’ve been so worried. I’ve barely been able to work,” said Chantelle Rojas, yoga-pole-dancing instructor, and girlfriend of one of the SOFREP writers, who requested not to be named. “He hasn’t called since that special first night two weeks ago, and now I know why.”
“I am in serious need of treatment,” said Brian Jamesivakumar. “And I mean serious, aggressive treatment.”
“We are taking this situation very seriously,” said Brandon Webb, CEO at Force 12 Media, “and have called in to HQ this week some of our harder hit writers for collective treatment. We have brought in specialists from far and wide and are confident that we can cure these men, our brothers, of what ails them.”
Methods of treatment are debated amongst experts. But many prescribe large amounts of alcoholic elixirs. Buckley is said to prefer beer, Jameson cheap whiskey and Jamesivakumar goes with pure grain alcohol. Several editors are rumored to be committed wine drinkers, but none will admit to that when asked for comment.
Hit The Woodline will monitor the situation and pray for their recovery of these brave men.